Hey Puddin'

How do you guys feel about tofu? If you're less than enthusiastic, lemme change your mind. Even my staunchly omnivorous dad has stopped picking the tofu cubes out of his curry, so I feel pretty confident in my ability to sway you on this one. I get the feeling that you're still skeptical, though, so I'm going to throw in a wild card: tofu AND chocolate. I know this all sounds a little too crazy, but bear with me and pretty soon you'll be feasting on vegan chocolate pudding that will completely blow your mind. 

I try to keep all the recipes on here relatively straightforward and stress-free, but this chocolate pudding is especially foolproof. The only caveat is that you need some kind of mixing apparatus - blender, food processor, immersion blender, Slap Chop, whatever. Just kidding, don't use a Slap Chop, but do take 3 minutes to watch the infomercial because that shit cracks me up.

You'll also need silken tofu for this recipe. This type of tofu hasn't been pressed, so it's super delicate and ideal for making things like vegan custard, pumpkin pie filling, and pudding. Make sure your tofu is silken, because you and your blender will both end up sincerely hating me if you try to puree up chocolate and regular firm tofu.

Today's ridiculously simple dessert comes to you courtesy of my college roommate Kristy, who not only sent me this recipe, but also took me out to an amazing vegan restaurant when I was in New York a few weeks ago, thereby forever cementing her status as my favorite Croatian on the planet. Živjeli!

Vegan Chocolate Pudding
(adapted from Aida Mollenkamp's Pairs Well With Food)


Serves 4

6 ounces semi-sweet or dark chocolate
1 pound silken tofu (this sounds like a lot, but I promise it's not!)
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder
½ cup maple syrup
1 tablespoon vanilla
a pinch of salt

The goods.

Melt your chocolate. Ideally this should be done using a double-boiler, but I'm a heathen and just used a saucepan. Keep the heat super low and stir constantly so that your chocolate doesn't burn. Set aside and let cool for a few minutes while you gather your other ingredients.

Before...

...after!

Once your chocolate has cooled enough that it doesn't burn your fingers when you sneak a taste, throw everything into a blender or food processor. Puree until smooth - you may need to scrape down the sides a couple of times to catch any errant tofu clumps. If you're using an immersion blender like I did, you can just blend everything in the pot that you used to melt your chocolate.

Super appetizing. 

Keep mixing!

Pour your pudding into a Tupperware or into individual bowls, then leave it in the refrigerator for about 30 minutes to set. Seriously, that's it. You can top your pudding with mint leaves or a dash of cinnamon to make it fancy, then serve to your guests and enjoy the looks on their faces when you tell them that they're eating tofu for dessert.

BUT, if you are absolutely 100% opposed to tofu in your pudding, Autostraddle (my favorite queer website) has an avocado alternative that may tickle your fancy.

Beet It

Apparently the polar vortex is coming back with a vengeance next week and this time I won't be smugly observing from sunny California, which means it's high time to cook up a big pot soup! I'm going through some holiday withdrawals, so I decided to make a quintessential Polish Christmas dish: barszcz, or beet soup.

Little known fact - most Eastern European governments will revoke your citizenship if you don't show enough enthusiasm for beets. And for good reason! These little root vegetables have a sweet, earthy taste, and are loaded with fiber, potassium, and iron. Dwight Schrute loves beets. Doug Funny loves beets. There's no way around it - beets are just great.

Barszcz is reaaaally easy to make. The hardest part is probably peeling the beets, which has the potential to make your kitchen look like a crime scene. The only other thing you absolutely MUST remember is that you can't boil this soup again after you add the vinegar. Otherwise, black magic/chemistry will happen and your soup will turn a really unappetizing shade of brown. You can reheat if necessary, but bubbles are a sign of trouble so proceed with caution.

Polish Barszcz
(from my mother's mental cookbook)

Serves 2

4-6 medium beets
1 box vegetable stock (about 4 cups)
1 cup whole parsley
salt, pepper, sugar, and white wine vinegar to taste

Peel your beets. I recommend doing this over the sink, or using a plastic cutting board that you can easily rinse off. If you end up with Lady Macbeth hands, rub a little lemon juice into your skin and then wash with cool water and lots of soap.

Note the technicolor fingers.

Toss your beets into a pot, add the vegetable stock and parsley, and boil over medium-high until you can easily pierce the beets with a fork. Add salt, pepper, and sugar to taste, then turn off the heat and add a little vinegar. I used about 1 teaspoon, but it depends on how sour you like your soup.

Steamy!

Voila! Your barszcz is done. You can pour your soup into mugs and serve it as a side dish with roasted potatoes and tempeh, or channel your inner Slavic farmer and enjoy a bowl of barszcz with a big hunk of rye bread for lunch. As a bonus, you can also scoop the beets out and save them for later - they're delicious in arugula salad with some balsamic vinaigrette, or grated and tossed with salt and lemon juice.

Beans a Make Her Dance

Confession: I have a deep and unapologetic obsession with chickpeas. Aside from being delicious and full of protein, chickpeas (also called garbanzo beans) are also ridiculously versatile. You can puree them for hummus, throw them into a curry, or use chickpea flour to make falafel. This week, we’re going to make one of my favorite foods: garbanzo bean scramble.

Brunch can be tricky when you’re avoiding eggs and dairy, which is why I was so excited when a friend shared this recipe with me. Chickpea scramble is basically the vegan answer to an omelet – the chickpea batter just replace eggs as a vehicle for transferring various tasty ingredients from your plate to your mouth.

I made my scramble with red onion, broccoli, eggplant, and artichoke hearts (the lady friend’s favorite combo), but you can basically use whatever vegetables you have in your fridge. Bell peppers, spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes, etc. are all fair game. You do you, friends. 

A word on finding garbanzo bean flour: the only grocery store that consistently has it seems to be Whole Foods. Look for Bob’s Red Mill brand (usually in the baking section), which only costs $3 per bag. If anyone sees it elsewhere, let me know in the comments!

Garbanzo Bean Scramble

(courtesy of Heather, a vegan magician)

Serves 2

¾ cup garbanzo bean flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

¾ cup water

your choice of veggies

olive oil to coat your pan

your preferred hot sauce, to taste (optional, of course – if you’re not a spice freak like me, add a pinch of salt instead)

In a small bowl, combine the garbanzo bean flour, baking soda, and water, then whisk the mixture with a fork until it’s smooth. The consistency should be sort of like yogurt at this point. Set that aside and chop up your vegetables into bite-sized pieces.

Let's do this.

Pour a little olive oil into a large pan and begin to sauté your veggies over medium-high heat. Start with things that take longer to cook – onions, broccoli, bell peppers, etc – and then add the ingredients that only need a minute to soften up, like tomatoes and leafy greens.

Sizzle.

Once your vegetables have reached an optimal level of sautéed-ness, pour the chickpea batter into the pan. It’ll seem a little thicker than it did 10 minutes ago – don’t freak out, that’s good! Add your hot sauce (or salt) and stir until everything is evenly distributed. Let your scramble cook, stirring occasionally so that the bottom doesn’t burn.  

Nearly ready!

When your scramble is nicely browned and has a consistency similar to scrambled eggs, you’re done! Slide that baby onto two plates and chow down. You can top your scramble mountain with avocado to dress it up, or roll it up in a tortilla for a breakfast burrito if you’re on the go.

Welcome. Have Some Scones.

At this point, most of you have patiently sat through my wild ramblings about starting a vegan food blog, so you'll be pleased to know that I've finally gotten off my ass and done it! The purpose of this little project is to show that vegan food doesn't have to be expensive, difficult to make, or worst of all, gross. Yes, following a plant-based diet can occasionally be a giant pain in the ass, but for the most part it's an awesome opportunity to experiment with a whole new category of delicious recipes. I'm excited to share some of these tasty dishes with you here, and I hope you enjoy making and eating them as much as I have.

Without further ado, onto the food!

I thought long and hard about what I wanted to post as my first recipe. I considered everything from holiday cookies to spicy curries to hearty soups, but in the end my mind kept circling back to one of my favorite baked goods: scones.

To me, a warm scone with a cup of coffee is the ultimate rainy afternoon treat. They’re crispy on the outside, flaky on the inside, and loaded with goodies like dried fruit, nuts, or chocolate. They’re also so damn simple to make that they seem like a trick. The recipe below only has 11 ingredients and takes 30 minutes max to prepare, bake, and devour.

I made lemon poppy seed scones this time around, but one of the magical things about these little nuggets is that you can throw pretty much anything you want into them – my previous experiments have included maple walnut, apple cinnamon, oatmeal chocolate chip, blueberry, and probably others that I inhaled too quickly to remember.

Make these. Eat these. You deserve them.

Lemon Poppy Seed Scones
(adapted from Doron Peterson’s Sticky Fingers’ Sweets)

Makes 8 scones

½ cup Earth Balance
½ cup sugar
juice from 1 lemon (about 2 tablespoons)
zest from 1 lemon (about 1 teaspoon)
1 ½ teaspoons light liqueur, such as Grand Marnier (you can also use vanilla like a normal person)
⅓ cup soy milk
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 ⅓ cup whole wheat flour
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 tablespoons poppy seeds

Preheat the oven to 350 F and line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil. In a medium bowl, combine the Earth Balance, sugar, lemon juice, lemon zest, and liqueur. Mix the ingredients on low speed just until everything is more or less blended together. Add the soy milk and mix again for about 15 seconds. Your concoction will look suspiciously soggy at this point and you’ll wonder if you’ve done something wrong, but don’t fret.

It's supposed to look like this, I swear. 

In a separate bowl, whisk together the all-purpose flour, whole wheat flour, salt, baking powder, and poppy seeds. Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and use a wooden spoon or rubber spatula to stir everything up until it forms a slightly sticky dough. Again, don’t overmix!

My favorite kitchen utensil in my favorite color.

Dump the dough out onto a clean countertop. The dough will be pretty firm, so no need to use extra flour or anything like that. Shape the dough into a 1 ½ inch thick rectangle (about the width of 2 fingers, because who keeps a ruler in their kitchen?). Cut that rectangle into 4 smaller rectangles, and then cut each little rectangle diagonally as shown below. You should end up with 8 triangles.

Geometry!

Place the scones on your baking sheet, leaving an inch or two between them. Bake for 16-18 minutes, or until you can see that the bottoms are beginning to brown. Transfer the scones to a wire rack to cool, or burn your fingers and tongue by stuffing them directly into your mouth.